My introduction to the Grumpy Old Git Club made me feel a bit, well, grumpy. I’d barely had time to say hello before David Bastable was shaking a tin under my nose and relieving me of a pound.

“It’s for charity!” he said.

Hmm... ok then...

For nearly two years the club has been meeting at Allonby Tea Rooms on Thursday mornings. I was intrigued. How grumpy are they? Does one have to be grumpy to join or does regular attendance make one foul-tempered?

First impressions were confusing: they seemed quite cheerful.

A dozen members were present, including Michael Holyoake who runs the tea rooms with his wife Brenda.

Brenda is the only woman permitted to mingle with the gits during their meetings. These take place around a window table, with latecomers contributing from nearby chairs.

Contributing what, though? What do they discuss?

“A lot of rubbish,” said George Proud.

George worked for the fire service at Workington for 30 years and is now retired, like most here.

There’s a lot of grey hair and a lot of no hair. The youngest member is in their 50s. “Just a boy,” suggested one man.

David said there’s no lower age limit. If you’re grumpy enough, you’re old enough.

David set up the club after his wife Jean and some of her friends started meeting regularly. She told him it was a group for grumpy old women. David felt left out – who wouldn’t? – and so he recruited a band of not-very-merry men.

Even in her absence, Jean looms large among the Grumpy Old Gits. David frequently mentions her, sometimes between ravenous bites of his breakfast.

He always sits with his back to the window. “I have to sit this side of the table in case my wife comes past,” he said. “I’m not allowed to eat.”

What makes him grumpy? “Coming in here. We usually have the daily papers. That kicks us off for a start.”

He picked one up and read a headline: “‘Mayor, 62, ditches his wife for a pole dancer, aged 19.’ Do you think he’s got money? There’s hope for us all.”

The News & Star photographer arrived. I was delighted when David took a pound from him. “If you want the grumpy look, take a picture of George,” said David.

George is the butt of many jokes here. He seems to enjoy it. “It’s just the crack and the good laugh we have. We’re not grumpy all the time. We just sit here putting the world to rights for two hours.”

“What page will this be on?” asked David.

“We’ll be in the deaths column,” said George.

They like being grumpy, but it seems you can take these things too far. Politics and religion are not encouraged as topics of conversation.

Probably just as well. Can you imagine what would happen if the Grumpy Old Gits got their teeth into Brexit?

David has suggested inviting Donald Trump to join them, on the basis that the American President is neither young nor cheerful.

“They objected. They thought the men in black would turn up.”

“The men in white coats more like,” said Steve Waugh.

Steve became aware of the club when he was in nearby Jack’s Surf Bar. Someone said to him “Why don’t you go to the Grumpy Old Gits Club?” He took it admirably well: “I laughed.”

Some here claim to be glad to escape their other halves. David says they gather “to get away from the wives and women. I’ve been asked, do we allow women in? No!”

When I asked how many of them are married, David replied “I am very married.”

Others have no one at home. Steve said: “I’m separated. This is a good way to get out and see people. I look forward to it. You go out of here with a big smile on your face.”

I heard snippets of conversation between a few of the chaps, on topics including airport parking and health and safety. (The latter was not generally regarded as a good thing).

Some conversations drew everyone in. Some deserved to have bus trips turning up to eavesdrop. Such as George describing having some koi carp in a plastic bag in a box. “The box said ‘This way up’ on it. I don’t think the fish were bothered which way up they were.”

Absent friends were not excused from mickey-taking. Andy Barnard said: “One of our members signed up as an extra. He’s currently resting. He was in The A Word . He was an extra in a fell race.”

Was he taking part in the race? Much laughter. “No. If you saw him you wouldn’t need to ask.”

Most were wearing T-shirts with the words ‘Official member of the Grumpy Old Git Club’.

David’s said ‘Founding member of the Grumpy Old Men’s Club’.

What’s the difference between a grumpy old git and a grumpy old man?

I forgot to ask. That makes me grumpy.

Andy said the club’s selection process is pretty straightforward: “Put a pound in the tin.”

Every member – and visiting journalist – donates £1 every time they meet. Twice a year they split the money between several charities.

Hundreds of pounds has been raised and donated to good causes including Cancer Research and Great North Air Ambulance.

The club has several days out a year. “It has to be somewhere where there’s a pub,” pointed out George.

In January they’re off to Lancaster Leisure Park, which features an antiques centre. “We feel we may have something in common with them,” said David.

Andy Barnard’s T-shirt bore the words ‘Warning – Grumpy Old Para’. Several members are ex-servicemen. Several, including Tony Thompson, moved to Allonby from elsewhere in the country.

“I came up from Kent,” said Tony. “I don’t know the area. This lot tells me the different things that are going on. They’re a fount of knowledge.”

They don’t seem very grumpy.

“No – it did surprise me at first. I wouldn’t have stuck it if it really was grumpy.”

If anyone had reason to be glum it was Michael. After all, the Allonby Tea Rooms owner was the only member of the club working.

“Work is a four-letter word,” one of the men had claimed earlier.

Michael and Brenda cheerily ferried teas and coffees to mouths dry from grumping... and laughing.

“They’re entertaining,” said Michael. “They discuss all sorts of weird subject matter. They try to be grumpy but they can’t seem to manage it. There’s too much humour. People who wouldn’t have seen each other very often, now they can catch up. It’s firmed up good friendships.”

What does Brenda make of this weekly invasion?

“Mainly, words fail me! It’s really nice having a community thing for the blokes. There’s not much for men out here that doesn’t involve the pub. We’ve got people who have been in a lot of different jobs and situations. They’ll all got good stories to tell.”

Is this something she looks forward to?

“Oh yes. Sometimes I just have to stand back and smile.”

A tad reluctantly, David finally admitted that his wife isn’t really so bad.

“She does allow me out, if I ask properly and give her a fiver.”

I had to be honest with David: I liked him and his colleagues, but they didn’t seem grumpy at all. “When we’re grumpy we get really grumpy,” he insisted. “You’ve caught us on a bad day.”