Danny Graham has been an ex-footballer for nearly nine months now and, while he says “never say never” about reversing that decision, he has, by and large, made his peace with this new phase of his life.
“For the first few months I had a lot of downtime and spent most of it with the kids, doing the simple things in life like taking them to school, being able to go to the kids’ parties," he says. "It doesn’t sound much, but when you’ve missed so much of their early years growing up, it was nice to have the time to do that.
“In terms of work, I’ve moved into the agency side now with the company I was with for the last ten years of my career. I’m covering the north east for them, going to games, looking at some young talent.
“I’m finding it really interesting. I’m sitting at home at night, watching clips of 16-17-year-olds coming through the ranks at clubs. I’ve been to lot of games since I’ve retired, too. I’m quite enjoying being on the other side of the fence, not getting shouted at and abused!”
Graham called time on his career in February after a second spell with Sunderland. It did not take long, after that decision became public knowledge, for clubs to dial his number asking him to reconsider.
There were, he confirms, “flirtations” with Carlisle United, both last winter and this summer, but a return to the club for whom he played from 2007-9 did not materialise. Others higher up the chain also tried to persuade the then 35-year-old to get his boots immediately back on.
“Probably three days after retiring, I had Cardiff, Crewe, and Beechy [former Carlisle boss Chris Beech] on the phone,” he says. “There were a good few. A lot of League One clubs, and Cardiff from the Championship. But they say when your time’s up, your time’s up. I knew that.”
Despite the latter comment, Graham admits the idea of a final spell in Cumbria had intrigued him. “Because of my time at Carlisle, and what they did for my career at a young age, it was very tempting,” he says of last winter’s discussions with Beech.
“As the weeks rolled on, especially in the early parts, the temptation was certainly there. There was a lot of conversation, and he [Beech] was great with me on the phone. He said, ‘Come in, train with us for three or four weeks, see how you feel’. He was quite flexible and open with the idea, and how they could go about it, but it never really came through, to be honest.”
There was further contact in the summer, Graham said, but it was not pursued for long. The striker says he got the impression Beech did not want to spend long revisiting the idea after it had not come off months earlier. Graham says there would have been “more of a possibility” had it been pursued harder.
How United would have fared with such an experienced frontman in their side this season is for supporters to wonder about. As it happens, Graham is heading to Brunton Park tomorrow and also next Saturday.
“Randomly, I was out with my father-in-law about six or seven weeks ago, and the Hartlepool chairman was in the same bar,” Graham adds. “He offered me the same thing – come in, have a few weeks training, see how you feel.
“Surprisingly there are offers still there, considering I’ve been out of the game eight or nine months. It’s nice to feel wanted, even now. But it would take quite a bit for me to come out of retirement.”
The idea of the door even ajar by a tiny amount may keep some fans’ hopes alive. Graham, though, had his reasons for calling it a day when he did.
“The hardest part about retirement is the day-to-day side, the banter in the dressing room and at training," he says. "It’s hard to replicate when you come out of the game. Going to games now, watching from a distance…it is strange.
“But the football side, do I miss it? Probably not, no. The Covid situation, not having fans at games for the last 18 months of my career, made it a bit easier coming out of the game. There wasn’t that matchday buzz. You were pulling up at stadiums with no fans outside.
“I really started feeling that way around last Christmas time. Every game seemed like a behind-closed-doors friendly. I didn’t enjoy that side of it and kind of fell out of love with football by the end of it. Physically and mentally, I know I could have carried on for another couple of years. But that helped me make my decision.
“When I spoke to [manager] Lee Johnson at Sunderland, he said he wanted to go down a younger route. There were no arguments or bad-mouthing. It was a really civil, man-to-man conversation. I felt it was the right time for me to hang the boots up.”
A career flies by, and it is a long time now since Graham, who turned 36 in August, was a young centre-forward trying to make his way with Carlisle. When he returns to watch the Blues - there is a possibility he could attend tomorrow's FA Cup tie against Horsham, while he is due to come back to see next week's league game against Barrow - it will bring back memories of an eventful 113-game, 40-goal spell which started on loan from Middlesbrough and then continued in a permanent move.
Graham, who was with the club from 2007-9, was a key part of United teams that flew high in League One before struggling for safety in his final season. His spell at Brunton Park helped the striker step up to bigger things and establish an impressive goalscoring career.
“It makes me smile just thinking about it,” he says of his Carlisle period. “I remember coming in as a young lad on loan under Neil McDonald, doing well, and Middlesbrough offered me an extra year’s contract because of how I’d done at Carlisle.
“But having that first-team environment, week-in, week-out, was something I felt ready for. Neil was a big part in me coming back [permanently, in the summer of 2007], even though he only lasted one game of that next season.
“It was a great decision to sign, a great club, and Carlisle was a massive part of my career. The only time I’ve been back was for Peter Murphy’s testimonial [in 2012], so I’m sure turning up at Brunton Park again will bring a big smile to my face.”
Graham scored seven goals in 11 games in his loan spell in the second half of the 2006/7 season, which was United’s first back in the third tier for eight years.
“I’d had two loans in the Championship – didn’t really play at Leeds, and had 13 games at Derby where I didn’t do well at all – so when I came to Carlisle I wanted to hit the ground running," he says.
“I remember there was a penalty against Gillingham at home. Zigor Aranalde was on penalties, but I argued with him to take the ball. Looking back, I’ve wondered if I should have done that, but I scored and that settled me. We won 5-0, I scored another, and after the game Zigor said he was pleased I’d done that. He said it showed a bit of belief in a young lad.
“After that he let me stay on penalties. It was a big statement for me at a young age. And, to be fair, you don’t want your left-back taking penalties and scoring all the goals…”
Graham scored 17 the following season, enjoying prolific runs but also a prolonged drought in the campaign United missed out on automatic promotion to the Championship and lost to Leeds in the play-offs. He says he learned from his scoreless run, and benefited from an excellent group of team-mates.
“We had a great bunch of lads,” he says. “You just have to look at the lads who moved on and had fantastic careers, like Keiren Westwood and Joe Garner. We had other quality lads like Marc Bridge-Wilkinson, Simon Hackney and Evan Horwood, and a good mixture of experience with Thir [Paul Thirlwell] and Lummy [Chris Lumsdon]. It was a great dressing room. We had a laugh and a carry-on pretty much 24-7.”
Graham’s fond memories include a winner at Nottingham Forest –“nice little finish from a tight angle, and a massive result at the City Ground” – and also “the famous goal off my backside” in the play-off first leg against Leeds before the Elland Road club fought back to crush United's promotion hopes.
The following campaign started well, and Graham hit a first career hat-trick against Yeovil, but the team then went into steep decline. John Ward was replaced by Greg Abbott as manager, and Graham hit 16 more goals, but none in his last 18 appearances.
This, he admits, was a particularly testing time, as some fans speculated his head had been irrevocably turned by transfer interest (United had rejected a mid-season offer from Huddersfield) and he had stopped putting it in for the Carlisle cause.
“That was a big challenge,” he says. “At that young age, I found it hard to deal with. I’d never experienced that in my short football career. What hurt the most was people thinking just I wanted to move on and had stopped trying.
“That’s never been the case, wherever I’ve been. I always gave 110 per cent even if I wasn’t playing well. The stick about my form was deserved. But the other side of it hurt, because that’s never been in my nature.”
Abbott made Graham captain in a bid to inspire him out of his goalscoring rut, and United stayed up on the final day before Watford came in for the striker. He went on to become an established scorer in the second tier, and eventually played in the top flight.
“At the end of that season at Carlisle there was a bit of talk about a few clubs – quite surprisingly considering how I’d finished the season," he says. "I would have been a fool not to listen to those offers. It was a chance to move up a division, which I wanted to do. There’s no lying or hiding behind that."
Graham went on to have good spells for the Hornets, Swansea and Blackburn amid other loan moves as he settled into life back up football's ladder. “I’ve had time to reflect on my career now, and if you’d said to me as a young daft lad from Gateshead that I’d play 617 career games and score 174 goals, 100 per cent I’d have laughed. To do what I’ve done, I’m immensely proud.
“I don’t think anyone’s career, unless you’re Messi or Ronaldo, is plain sailing – and even they get stick if they don’t score for three games. I’m delighted with how my career panned out. I’ve been to some great clubs, met great people, and had great times.”
One of Graham’s old clubs are currently amid the opposite of great times. Carlisle sit second bottom of the Football League, and he wonders what to expect when he comes to watch them. His experience tells him there are certain things United can do to help their plight.
“I think everyone has to be pulling together in the dressing room, trying to keep spirits as high as they can, and even if it’s not pretty, make sure you get that win as soon as possible,” he says.
“That will breed confidence, and once they get a couple of good results, Carlisle won’t be flirting with relegation, I’m pretty sure of that. They’ve brought in an experienced manager in Keith Millen, who can get the club looking up the table rather than over their shoulders.
“I’ve played against Keith’s teams before. They’re usually very hard to play against and he doesn’t want them to be a light touch. I read comments from the Northampton manager last week when he said they would come up against tougher opponents than Carlisle. For me, you have to use that as fuel.
“I know it’s hard for the fans. They pay their money and players are going to get stick. The players are going to have to have a siege mentality of ‘It’s us against everyone’ and grind results out."
Graham hopes to see a confidence-boosting Blues win when he comes back in person - while he is ready, when he's spotted, to field questions from fans about one more go in a blue shirt.
"Would I want to go back into the game now, when fans are back, and come out again in 18 months, when I haven't found that as difficult now?" he says. "There would be a lot of things to think about.
"I would certainly never say never. But at the minute I'm pretty content with what I'm doing."
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